Terrified

God, I feel like there's only so much time that I can spend not doing anything about weight loss before I officially because a legitimate, wheezing up a set of stairs lardass. I'm at 103 or so kg, which is about 225 pounds. I've just gotten bigger and uncoordinated. And I might be failing out of university, I have to go see someone about that tomorrow. I just feel so helpless right now, like I can't control myself. How is it that I'm only 19 and I'm already in such an emotional and physical rut? Why can't I be carefree and enjoying friends, relationships, parties like all the other normal teenagers? I can't believe I'm wasting my youth being fat and anti-social. God, sometimes I hate myself so much.

And if I do fail out - I mean, what else is there after that? How did everything go so wrong?